Uninspired and unmotivated
But I’m not sad. I just feel so.. lacking.
Unlike what I usually am - I liked doing lots of things, I liked getting panicky when multitasking, I liked looking forward to going home and continue drawing, sewing, writing, or whatever internet stuff I’m doing even if I had to endure 3 hours travel (with heavy traffic) time.
I’ve been living near my college for months now. I’d arrive home in less than 30 minutes, rest a bit, clean the place (because I’m living with 3 other people), prepare dinner for Gab and me, rest again, do homework, maybe have a chat with Gab and the others, then sleep. I don’t have my laptop anymore because my mom said I can just do computer related stuff at the school LRC or at our house in Cavite (which is far).
I can’t bring myself to draw, write, or sew much at the place where I’m living now - because I couldn’t feel the drive, erm, like a writer’s block of sorts. I don’t feel inspired or motivated in that place, unlike in my own room at our house. But I chose to live near my college, I know I wanted to focus on that, but I really feel like I’m lacking something.
My choice paid off though, I’ve been a consistent dean’s lister for a year now, and I had lots of time doing school stuff, I even have time to help my friends with their school work too or watch another friend’s recital in school, or read manga in the school LRC, stuff like that, which was non-existent before, haha!
That’s why I didn’t have that many friends before. I had more time to sleep as well, and my procrastinating was lessened.
I didn’t have regrets with living near my college in exchange of the things I said above, because I gained other stuff that I didn’t have so much before - friends, and my study time paid off as well - my class standings, I even had more time to spend with my boyfriend. I’m not sad at all.
I just miss those times where I wouldn’t know what to accomplish first - drawing, sewing, writing fanfics and whatnots, surfing the internet, getting panicky and excited to finish it at the same time, being fulfilled and — …. but I know it can wait. I’m graduating this year, after that, I can go “home”.